The revelation that Mike is unhappy at college hurts more than the romantic heartbreak and it makes Wills guts tighten uncomfortably. He made Mike cry, he made Mike believe he doesn’t need him, oh god, he’s every bit as terrible as he thinks he is. He can’t pretend that he’s not just as culpable in this as he could at fourteen because Mike has done nothing but try and try since Will pulled him up on it, there’s no fight in the rain to hide behind this time.
Will has been trying to let Mike go so hard he’s ruined their friendship. He was rude, he was mean, and Mike is still right there trying. Every time Will pushes him away he comes right back and there’s only one thing he hasn’t done and it’s the hardest thing of all - honesty.
“I do need you, I always will.” Mike is the first person who has managed to pull off making him feel his emotions with complete clarity instead of a veil of unreality all week and while moving them off to somewhere nebulously separate works to blunt them it does mean that sometimes Will explodes and leaves a trail of devastation in his wake.
He turns the engine off and clasps his hands in his lap to stop himself reaching out. “I lied a little bit,” he’s going to be sick. He’s going to have to open the door and vomit on the pavement of the nice neighbourhood. It wouldn’t be the first time. “I don’t think Daniel gives a fuck that you broke my heart, it’s just that…” This whole thing already feels like a break up. It feels worse than their talk on the cabin porch, maybe because Will was hiding and wasn’t being honest and it’s the honesty that stirs up the shame.
A fresh wave of tears cascades and he can’t do anything about them. He should have carried on driving, he should have just taken them as far away as he could go. He really just wants to hold on even though it hurts.
“I know I can’t have you.” Will hates how tiny it comes out, how he sobs a little between the words. “I can’t get over you either.” He’d be angry with someone for it too, he’d be hurt knowing he was being settled for, he thought he’d hidden it well enough but he knows Daniel has seen through him. “I’m probably going to get dumped over it. He hasn’t done it yet but I can feel it coming. I won’t blame him when he does.”
He takes a deep breath. He means to say ‘I don’t trust me either’. He means to say it and not do anything to prove it. Really he does. Instead he moves to push the buttons on both their seatbelts. Grabs Mike by the collar as he manoeuvres and ends up with the gear stick digging into his thigh and he’s barely on his seat and the cup holder is full of who knows what because El has majority custody of the car but it doesn’t matter. Because nothing else matters outside of the fact that Will refuses to walk away without kissing Mike at least one more time. So he’ll take awkwardly holding himself between two car seats so he can press his lips to Mikes.
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Will has been trying to let Mike go so hard he’s ruined their friendship. He was rude, he was mean, and Mike is still right there trying. Every time Will pushes him away he comes right back and there’s only one thing he hasn’t done and it’s the hardest thing of all - honesty.
“I do need you, I always will.” Mike is the first person who has managed to pull off making him feel his emotions with complete clarity instead of a veil of unreality all week and while moving them off to somewhere nebulously separate works to blunt them it does mean that sometimes Will explodes and leaves a trail of devastation in his wake.
He turns the engine off and clasps his hands in his lap to stop himself reaching out. “I lied a little bit,” he’s going to be sick. He’s going to have to open the door and vomit on the pavement of the nice neighbourhood. It wouldn’t be the first time. “I don’t think Daniel gives a fuck that you broke my heart, it’s just that…” This whole thing already feels like a break up. It feels worse than their talk on the cabin porch, maybe because Will was hiding and wasn’t being honest and it’s the honesty that stirs up the shame.
A fresh wave of tears cascades and he can’t do anything about them. He should have carried on driving, he should have just taken them as far away as he could go. He really just wants to hold on even though it hurts.
“I know I can’t have you.” Will hates how tiny it comes out, how he sobs a little between the words. “I can’t get over you either.” He’d be angry with someone for it too, he’d be hurt knowing he was being settled for, he thought he’d hidden it well enough but he knows Daniel has seen through him. “I’m probably going to get dumped over it. He hasn’t done it yet but I can feel it coming. I won’t blame him when he does.”
He takes a deep breath. He means to say ‘I don’t trust me either’. He means to say it and not do anything to prove it. Really he does. Instead he moves to push the buttons on both their seatbelts. Grabs Mike by the collar as he manoeuvres and ends up with the gear stick digging into his thigh and he’s barely on his seat and the cup holder is full of who knows what because El has majority custody of the car but it doesn’t matter. Because nothing else matters outside of the fact that Will refuses to walk away without kissing Mike at least one more time. So he’ll take awkwardly holding himself between two car seats so he can press his lips to Mikes.